The dawn approacheth

At long last I've got something good to say. I feel better. I have no idea what changed, or why, but my mood has improved and my energy level has gone way up since last week. There have been peaks and valleys all along, so I suppose I'm just on the upswing; I just hope it lasts another five weeks.

My mood isn't the only thing that's different. I seem to have opened up somehow and invited all sorts of change into my life. Most of the time the attention I get from men is underwhelming; they may notice me, but none of them dares approach me, I suppose because I can be intimidating and I often come across as an ice queen. Lately, though, I'm having to fight 'em off with a stick. I got asked out at the meeting last night, and today at the Goleta Jamboree I began to feel like the belle of the ball. Too bad none of the men in question was terribly interesting. The man who asked me out last night is a sort of biker/hippie with long, grey hair. He's a really sweet man, and very smart, but not attractive to me. I'm terrified of motorcycles and not really interested in aging hippies. I hope I let him down gently.

And then at the Jamboree I was hit on by Pepé le Pew. He was an older man -- in his fifties -- with a beret and a goatee and a hilarious Rico Suavé manner. At least, it would have been hilarious if I'd seen him trying it on someone else. As it is it was just annoying. First he complimented me on my pallor, and then he critiqued my ensemble from head to toe and pronounced it trés chic. I was waiting for him to kiss his fingers at me, but he refrained. It was a painful ordeal, and I was subjected to his attentions more than once, but I'm not complaining. It's just further evidence of this indefinable change.

The most exciting thing of all happened on Thursday night. I was leaving the women's meeting when my friend Jane thrust a piece of paper into my hand and said, "I think you should apply for this." It was a memo from a local non-profit organization where Jane works ten hours a week, announcing an opening for their Volunteer Coordinator position, a full-time position which pays more than I make now (enough more that I would notice the difference) with full benefits, which is not only not drudgery but actually seems interesting, and which I'm qualified for. I got so excited that I rushed home, spiffed up my résumé, wrote a cover letter and emailed them to the Executive Director. And now I wait for an interview. I would be a shoo-in under normal circumstances, especially with Jane's testimonial, but no doubt they've got a hundred applicants to sift through, some of whom may be more qualified than I am. Still, I've done the footwork and let go of the result. I hope and pray that I'll get this job, but if I don't I know that something else will come along. And soon. Things are changing.

To show that things are indeed changing, let me announce that I have a date on Tuesday night. With a man. My first date in two years. I'm not going to write about this one, though. This one is real, and I find that I'm not willing to disclose the details of my love life in this blog, even under cover of anonymity. The Pepé le Pews of this life are fair game, but I'll keep my dates to myself.

So, the weather is changing and spring is peeking out, and my life is proceeding apace. Things are looking up.