I've got the universe reclining in my hair

Goodness gracious! The other day I decided to check a list of side effects to see if my not having had a period in three months could be chalked up to the Interferon, and I was surprised to see how many I have. I didn't know all this stuff was related to the treatment. I'd glanced through the list when I first started, but it wasn't real to me then because I hadn't yet experienced any problems. I was sure that I hadn't suddenly gone into menopause, though, so I thought it might be a good idea to make sure it was from the Interferon and not something else. This is what I found:

Irregular or stopped menstrual periods; loss of sexual ability, desire, drive or performance; pale skin; irritability; body aches; burning, crawling, itching, numbness, prickling, "pins and needles" or tingling feelings; change in taste, or bad, unusual or unpleasant (after) taste; cracked, dry or scaly skin; hair loss/thinning; hoarse voice; lack or loss of strength; loss of memory; insomnia; muscle or bone pain; poor concentration; stuffy or runny nose; sensitivity to sunlight; pain in the ribs; dry eyes; shivering; tanning or blue-grey discoloration of the skin; tearing of the eyes; nosebleeds; and last but not least, hearing loss.

And those are just the side effects I have, out of a long list of scary or bizarre symptoms. I don't like reading lists of side effects because they cause unease and anxiety, as I earnestly check to see if I have any of them, and I certainly don't need any excuse to unleash my hypochondria. It needs no encouragement. I'm such a terrible hypochondriac that I tend to under-react to medical problems because I'm sure it's just my hypochondria rearing its head. That may be why I failed to put two and two together about the side effects. Each one seemed to exist in its own little limbo, unconnected with anything else, in much the same way as the symptoms of hyperthyroidism which I had for years, all of which I was able to explain away in one way or another while I remained in denial until the pounding heart and swollen ankles sent me to the ER.

I was heartened to see that hearing loss is a side effect; it gives me hope that when this cruel war is over I will return to my usual level of deafness, which seems like dog hearing now, after what I've dealt with in the last eight or nine months. And I'm relieved to know that the sex drive I miss so much has been stolen from me and will return, along with my period, that my skin will someday be less reptilian, and that the odd grey color I've noticed on the skin around my mouth is not my imagination and will go away. I'm starting to look like I've got a five o'clock shadow. The nosebleeds are on the "talk to your doctor right away if you have..." list, so I called Judy to let her know that I've been having them. She said it could be connected to my low red and white counts, but my feeling is that it's just because my nose and sinuses are dry. Everything is dry: eyes, nose, sinuses, throat, skin, hair. Anyway, Judy just advised me to monitor the bleeding and if it seems to be getting worse, give her a call. Same with the hoarse voice, which I've had almost since the beginning. It's stayed pretty much the same since it started and I suppose it will remain with me to the end of the treatment.

I still have some hair, but not nearly as much as I had last week. I'd made up my mind: the hair had to go. So I talked to Gina, my friend and stylist, after the women's meeting on Thursday and she told me to show up at her shop on Saturday, which I did. I'd girded my loins and readied myself to be bald, but when I got there Gina sat me down and suggested that we try cutting the hair very short to see what it looked like before we took the drastic step of shaving it all off. My only argument against that was that I was sure it would make the baldness show up even more, but Gina said she's worked with women on chemo many times and that often a short haircut is just the thing. I really didn't want to have to shave my head, so I told her to snip away and we would see what happened. What happened was that it looked great, even before she cleaned it up. My receding hairline shows, but I like the cut, and because it's almost evenly two-toned, with the bleached ends offering a contrast to the darker re-growth, it looks much thicker than it did before. It's a very dramatic look, extremely short and spiky, but I favor the dramatic anyway, in hair, dress and makeup, so it's right up my street. And I've staved off the clippers for the nonce, which counts for something. Probably I will have to shave it at some point, but as long as I don't have to, I won't.

I think this is the first post I've written that was all about Interferon treatment. I think I'll stop here, lest I think of something to say that's not on topic.